Pterodactyl Sounds

Ben: Mom! I can make a sound like a pterodactyl! (makes what is presumably a pterodactyl sound) Mom: That’s Great! Me: Wait a sec, there haven’t been any pterodactyls for 65 million years. How do you know what it sounds like? Ben: It was on the TV! Advertisements

Tom Cruise

Ben: Why did you play that music? It’s not what I was listening to. Me: It’s very famous dancing music. Ben: Nope. I don’t like it…

Friday Logic

Ben: Dad, I don’t understand something. Me: Okay. What is it? Ben: You know how on Friday there is no homework? Me: Yes. Ben: If there is no homework, then we shouldn’t have to go to school on Friday.

He’s Not Wrong…

Spring Break has come to an end and we are on our way to school… Ben: I love apples! Me: I put one in your lunch today. It’s a Golden Enchanted Apple. I enchanted it myself! Ben: Dad, you can’t enchant an apple. Dad: Why not? Ben: Because you don’t have a crafting table and…

Dangerous

Ben: Dad, do you know what’s really dangerous? Me: No… what is really dangerous? Ben: Saws. Me: Yep. Saws can be really dangerous. Daddy has three saws! Ben: And wars.

Dr. Evil

Ben was just yelling at the XBox One for a few minutes. I asked him what the heck was wrong and he came into the kitchen to tell me that: Ben: Some guy named “The Creator” shut down my favorite game on RĊblox. So I am going to hack his account and take it away…

Not Carrots

Ben looks into my small bag of carrots… Me: You want a carrot? Ben: No. I thought they were Cheetos.

Life Lessons

Ben: I’m done, Dad! Me: Okay. Make sure the you put the seat down. Ben: Why? Me: Because you live in a house full of women. Ben: Why? Me: Because they will yell at you if you don’t. Ben: Can’t they just put it down themselves? Me: Yes. But they will still yell at you…

Commercial Break

It is somewhere around 0400 on New Years Eve morning…. Ben: Dad… Dad… Dad… Me: (groggily) What? Ben: We need to get my pillow. Me: I don’t know where it is. Did it fall off the bed? Ben: You can get it online at my pillow dot com. It’s the pillow that helps you to…

Big Plans!

Ben: Mom, is Donald Trump planning on being President next year? Mom: Yep. Ben: Man! That’s a really big plan!

Epic Eggs

Ben: Dad I do a great job at making eggs! Me: Are you sure that it was a great job? What if it was just a good job? Ben: It was an EPIC job! Mom: Don’t discourage him. Ben Yeah, Dad, don’t discourage me!    

Change the Combination On My Luggage!

Ben: Dad, when I get my own computer, I am going to have a super secret password that I will not tell anybody except you. Me: Cool. What’s the password? Ben: Don’t tell anybody. Not even Mom! Me: Okay Ben. The password is… 1… 2… 3… 4… 5 Me: That’s amazing! I have the same…